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Jenna Bazelon, 26, is the founder of Frum Girl Problems, a private Facebook group with over 9,500 members, all women. She recalled that one time, a potential date called her directly without any pre-vetting or involvement of an intermediary.
A friend of mine recently wondered why she couldn’t just “outsource her love life to a ” — a Jewish matchmaker.
I put aside my own feelings on the matter because I figured that the shadchan had more experience than I do. So, now we've come to the point where if you dare to compliment your date on how nice she looks, if you even think to acknowledge and appreciate the effort that she puts into looking nice, if you have even a single thought as to her physical appearence, you must be a "sick, one-track-minded pervert."At this point, I'm beginning to wonder what the point of shidduch dating is anymore. In short, if you don't follow the script, you're toast. Unless you have an identical twin, no one really looks like you.
After all, everyone is expected to follow a script. So, even if you have to follow a script and act like everyone else, at least you can be distinguished by your appearance.
Have the parents arrange the marriage, let them meet for a few minutes so that they can see that each "has a nose" and that's it.
If we've reduced the dating activity to one of actors following a script so that you can't get an indication of the real personality of the person you're dating (to the point where if you minorly deviate from the script then you're out) and where you're not even supposed to notice the appearance of the date, then what is the whole point?